We Now Return To Normal Service...

Welcome warmly Wednesday's wandering wards!

Did I scare you into thinking we would be delving into the dark and disturbing world of alliterations again? Well fear not! My funny turn involving similarly starting words has come to a close and I must apologise! What started out as a simple random thought, was unfortunately put into practise...it took me over 3 hours to write that pitiful quantity of words, but once I had started I...just...couldn't...stop...myself!

Thanks guys for the lovely comments last week about missing me at the reunion. I forgot to say this last week as I was overly thinking the actual wording of it all! I'm hoping on heading down either between crimbo and New Year or after New Year; so we will have to majorly re-une again if people are free!

So this week? C'EST NULL! I realise I've said this in all but 1 of my posts now but hey until I get a job and start speaking to other humans again I'll actually tend to have nothing to report!

The highlights this week: Narnia, Penis enlargement, Sky+ HD, Albino dwarf babies, an Amerikorean actor and a transatlantic Thanksgiving! WOW! That actually sounds awesome when I write it like that....shame the stories aren't linked because then it would be like I'm living in a Soap!

Comment with your ideas for a plotline in a soap opera that include all of the above points! PLEASE! I'll let you know mine below this but invisible (mwahahahaha) so no peeking before you post yours!

Phil Mitchell falls through a wardrobe into NARNIA, where he is forced into an alcoholic stupor by the Ice Queen. She then attempts to rape him but has difficulty due to his penis shrivelling due to cold she is, so she pays for him to undergo PENIS ENLARGEMENT surgery. She gets impregnated with ALBINO DWARF BABIES and ditches him moving to America. Phil goes home to Albert Square where he discovers that an AMERIKOREAN ACTOR has stolen his SKY+ HD box. Sick of his crappy plotlines he travels by TRANSATLANTIC cruise to America to see his Ice Queen babies celebrating THANKSGIVING on the way! Oh yeah! Sign me up to write for Eastenders! I'd really draw in some viewers with my hard hitting emotional storylines!

So I'll explain what really happened:

No! Mr Tumnus!

I was saddened earlier this week to discover Narnia is not actually in the back of an old wardrobe inside some creepy old man's house in the middle of nowhere during wartime Blighty! No as you can see from the photographic evidence provided that it, in fact, resides within a dirty old warehouse on the outskirts of Dudley in modern day Blighty! Where do they keep the beavers?! Seriously Mr and Mrs Beaver need a river to dam up...we've got a canal full of murder victims at most...a puddle at least =oS This was obviously soul destroying so as you can imagine I spent a few nights this week crying into my pillow!

The albino dwarf babies and the Amerikorean actor both belong to a more than random textual conversation that I had with our lovely SuSu spanning the vast majority of yesterday. The first text at 10.21 am from SuSu stated: "Why is it every time I see a dwarf I think of you?! :s". Now I don't know about you but when a conversation opens with a line like that I just know it's gonna be a really good one.....It was!

To answer her question (and explain it to you all) it all comes down to a conversation I had with her, a while back, in which I stated my desire to father an albino dwarf baby! Before I get called all the names under the sun may I state two points:

1) "Dwarf" is a medical term (Check Here) as is "Albino" (And Here)
2) This "desire" came from another conversation from friends in a genetics lecture where we were discussing
Multiple Congenital Mutations and probability of cross mutated offspring.

Anyway back at the plot...The very night after I said this to her she proceeded to see 2 people who had dwarfism and 1 who had albinism. I was shocked as I have obviously lived a sheltered life and have never met nor seen a single person who has either condition!

The conversation moved on to a certain American/Korean (or Amerikorean) actor that she likes....ALOT! Also involved was; the hula, man-parts, sex changes, name origins, underlying psychoses and our future together with our pet weasel and hamsters!

We had Sky+ HD installed on last Friday! WHOOP! WHOOP! I am finally managing to drag the trout kicking and screaming into the 21st century! Now I just have to teach her how to work the remote which is turning out to be a lot less stressful than I initially thought...that's not to say it's stress free though!

It was Thanksgiving on last Thursday so happy thanksgiving to any Americans out there. I celebrated mine by emailing and chatting to all my old friends who went back state side after first year. It was lovely to catch up with them again but I'd really love to see them all face to face again sometime soon!

 
I'll finish now with a picture that I print screened from my laptop today of an email I had in my junk folder...




Yes Please!



Believe you me I know I'm not the only person who gets these but now it's getting ridiculous...I mean surely everybody is clued up to the fact it's a massive con! No-one can surely still be falling for it can they? I had one of those "Nigerian banker: please send me you pin and card number" ones the other day. I mean WTF!? They've been around for so long now everyone has heard the Crimewatch pleas and constant reminders that they are fraudulent!? Who is still stupid enough to fall for it? It did actually make me feel a little bit happy tbh; I never got one the first time round so I felt left out. Now however, I feel excepted and part of it all...plus it was nice to send a foul email back to them regarding the consistency of their brain resembling that of the excrement of a farmyard animal's!

Oh and P.S. I baked a pie case today so i can fill it with yumminess tomorrow! I bid you all fare-thee-wells!



Mmmmmm...Crusty!

Your ever humble blogger,
Lovely Jubley Alikay